Union Square.

Honestly, I need to get back in school as soon as possible. I can hardly form fluid thoughts let alone spell correctly!

I got my bag! It's awesome and will be perfect for toting my life around in NYC.

In more exciting new, I found out where I will be living! My housing is in Union Square. Washington Square, where NYU and most of my classes are located, is about a ten minute walk away. I will be in an apartment style place with two bedrooms, four roommates, a living room, and even a kitchen! I am ecstatic. As far as I can tell I will NOT being sleeping in a bunk bed! I love that I know where my next nest will be. I can look at it on a map and see all the subway lines that pass nearby. I can get on google-maps and street view all around the area to see what I can expect. This new information should make things more "real" but right now, it all still feels like planning a vacation. Maybe I'm just realizing that 15 months is such a short amount of time and by the time school finishes and I finally feel settled, I could move back to the Bay.



Not to mention, lots of fun things are happening befor I move so I can't think about moving yet! I'm going camping this weekend, birthday dinner next week, and my Going Away party is pretty quick after that.



This is from camping last year...


Whoa. Time is flying.

Positive change.

My life recently has been compared to treading water; Nice but a little uncomfortable. I can see the island, poolside, boat, whatever image feels the best, in the distance and I know I'll make it but in the mean time, I'm getting tired.

This weekend is my birthday. We're going camping and I am absolutely ecstatic. I love camping. I haven't been "real" camping, without bathrooms in walking distance, but I'd really like to try that sometime. As long as I have fire, comfy clothes, good eats, and best friends I am in heaven. It should be great.

This is the bag my Pops is getting me for my birthday. It's the SF city grid. I love it.
Sass loves it too!

Today is one month to the day before my flight to NYC.

I still don't know where I'll be living, besides the obvious vague "student housing". I'll find out supposedly the first week in August. I think I'll find out my roommate then too...

From what I can remember, and that's not usually very much, I think a period goes inside of a quotation mark. It just looks so "uncomfortable." I feel like this looks "better".

I had a fantasy last night about directing and shooting a movie. It's thoughts like these that make me nervous about my chosen career. I will need many creative outlets in my personal life to keep me content because my professional life will give me little creative stimulation. Well, maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised. It's all very unknown at this point, what my daily life will entail.

I'm headed to Dolores park in a few hours to meet Mike, Chris, and Jon. That should be nice to catch up with those guys.

My invites went out in the mail yesterday for my Going Away Party. I am almost painfully nervous about this party. I think I might be projecting some nerves about moving onto this party. I just hate the pressure that comes with hosting a party. I know that it will be a good time and I can't wait to see everyone but the thought of no one showing up, or people being there and bored, makes me nauseated.

It will be fun. People will show up. Don't drink too much. (This is what I keep telling myself.)

Today I got a new toilet.

Well, as I write this there's someone in my bathroom installing our new toilet. Apparently our other toilet was using too much water so now it is being replaced. Gotta love Marin! Don't get me wrong, I don't want to use more water than necessary, but I need to pee and well, he's still in there.

Being poor is an interesting way to live life. I am fortunate enough to have a paid roof over my head and other numerous bills covered by my generous parents but other than that, I don't spend/buy much. I can't even fathom being able to afford new clothes or shoes, or even better, buying things I don't "need" at all, like DVDs, concert tickets, flowers, haircuts, etc. etc. The thought of having a job, a paycheck that covers more than my credit card and car payments, is almost unimaginable at this point. It will happen again. I am absolutely certain of that, but it's been over a year since I've had a paying job and it will be over a year until I have another one. Noncontributing-member of society? Here.

I've stuck with the South Beach diet and passed my first goal! My jeans fit better, I have cheekbones again, and my stomach is flat-ish. I'm very proud of myself.

I hear him in there flushing the toilet so it has to be almost finished... got to go, got to go, got to go right now!

Bike ride to Sausalito.

In a weird mood today. Decided to go on a bike ride. Not sure if it's
helping or hurting. Both, probably. Feeling alone with so many people
around you is a really odd feeling.

Gonna miss this sweet face sleeping next to me every night.

4th of July

In Petaluma with Corrina and Bobby!

Happy wine hour!

They're different from you.

I just called the Housing Department and was greeted with a sad, slightly disgruntled employee. I was literally intimidated by her aloofness! I am just so excited and nervous to find out which building I will be living in, what type of room I will be assigned, and who my roommate will be! My mom was saying last night that this is a pretty big adventure. Packing my bags and getting on a plane, headed to one of the best cities in the world, not knowing where I'll unpack my bags or who will lying in the bed next to me. Never living in the dorms my first round in college is something I knew I would regret but also something I couldn't bring myself to do. So, here we go.

I am stirring around the house everyday trying to find things to do. I need to leave the house and go to cafes and museums and parks but it's been really difficult to find motivation. I just feel like I'm in a really odd head space and being a hermit in the house feels the most comfortable. I don't come naturally extroverted or outgoing, at least not in the last couple of years of unemployment isolation, and I know once I'm in NYC I will be forced out of my comfort zone so I am trying to bask in this summer of nesting time.

Heaven.

Tickets are purchased.

Airline tickets, that is. This will be the longest/shortest summer I've ever had.

Your ticket to a better night's sleep.

I've been using the mobile post feature for this blog more than actually writing entries. I really like that feature because I've always wanted a photo diary... this is just a combination.

My grandparents just left after a 10 day visit. Family dynamics and relationships are very interesting and I'm not surprised there are classes and majors and a zillion books dedicated to family relations. They are from a different time and place, and I do mean a VERY different time and place, which adds some stress to our situation but doesn't change our blood.

Summer has officially begun: my trips are finished, family visits are over, school is done, etc. etc. I am waiting patiently, trying to soak up every obligation-free day, until the end of August arrives and my bags are packed. NYU/NYC is becoming realer by the moment and I'm starting to get serious nerves. They're excited nerves and I have so much to fantasize about. I love having an imminent life change. I like change. There are certain types of change I enjoy more than others, but overall I like to switch it up now and then.

I met some girls in the city who are also in the ABSN program. Being with people who are on the exact same page was thrilling and as I mentioned, made things very real. They were so nice and excited and nervous, all with the same reservations and fears as me.

Ending a sentence in "me" feels weird.

I miss my writing classes. The girls I met are phych, graphic design, and liberal arts majors. We are all literally in the same boat. I love it and it makes me feel so much better. Right brained ladies moving into a left brained world.

Ahhhhh... writing this has gotten me nervous so I'm going to take a walk for quarters and to clear my mind.

Oh and my baby maker is seriously driving me nuts lately. Do they sell pharmaceuticals for women, who are looking to advance in their careers before they have the babies, that helps ease the pains of not carrying/loving/raising a child? UGH.

Papa and I on the porch in Mill Valley.

Sass loves the tub. That's new.

Done and done... with THIS apartment anyway.

Flo-Rida.

I have a bunch of pictures from my trip to Florida with my Dad but being in the middle of a move has made my camera cord MIA. That vacation was so much fun. I love spending time with my Dad and his wife, Darlene. We always have so much fun when we meet somewhere, whether it be Cincinnati, here, Vegas, but I know that living in the same town or worse, the same house, would be detrimental to our relationship. He would adamantly disagree but we haven't lived in the same state for years and it seems to have worked out pretty well. I really think I'm lucky to have such a good relationship with both my mom and dad.

We're moving this weekend back to Marin. I'm stoked about the new house. I think it will be really nice for my Mom and I think I'll really enjoy visiting there. It already feels homey and we aren't even moved in yet. I'll have a bedroom where I can keep some things so I won't feel totally homeless when I move to NYC.

This past weekend I went with Jessica and her entire group of friends camping/boating at Lake Oroville. This trip was ridiculously fun. I really envy her because she's marrying a guy who has best friends who all happen to be brothers and both Sergio and Jessica live 30 minutes from where they grew up so they have a lot of family and old friends around. They have such a built-in community. I don't think I'll end up with such an extensive community. I don't know what will happen. I'm anxious to find out.

Natalie is in town and I'm so excited to see her. I think it's pretty awesome when someone moves far away and then you end up feeling even closer to them. Then about when she's leaves my Grandparents fly in. That should be nice shauferring them around. As long as they don't embarass me and my mom with their charming remarks everything should be okay.

Alright, enough is enough. I need to pack some more boxes, drink some more coffee, and head to the city.

For the record.

In case you missed it.

I have been incredibly short fused lately. It's time for a vacation. I can't wait to catch up with my Dad, lay on the beach with fruity umbrella drinks, and explore an area I've never been before.

I can move into my dorm on August 30th. That is really soon and I'm stoked.

I may be attending and participating in a bon fire tonight. I hope it doesn't end up costing me a lot of money. Just call me Grouchy Mclazy Poor Pants.

The end.

New scores.

I went a little crazy at Trader Joe's so my little get-together last night was wonderful. Cheese and wine, as I have clearly expressed before, are more enjoyable than most people in the world.

I'm making bridal shower gifts for Jessica and they're looking pretty cute. That's next weekend.

I'm still reeling from Brit's departure, but things are getting easier. I will say, if I were you, I wouldn't drive on 580 between Emeryville and the Richmond bridge between 11am and 1am... at least for a while. It's just hard when you get alone and the distractions go away. It's okay. I'm okay.

I'm seriously considering making stuff and selling it on Etsy. Once I get back from my vacations and the move is finished, I think I'm gonna get on that. I consider myself fairly crafty so I think I could throw some things together that might be appealing to others. Might is the key word there.

I have a painting I've been working on for a while and I'd really like to finish it before I move. I'm talking about two moves here by the way. One with my moms back over to Marin and then my big faraway move of course.

I'm home on a Saturday night and that doesn't really bother me. I thought about it, so that says something, but I didn't do anything about it, and that says something louder.

Love in the air.

Magic berry.

Stacy and I went to a Yelp elite party at some bar/lounge in Oakland. It was a really good time for two reasons: free strong drinks and balloon hats. We had our cards read by a lovely tarot card reader man who subsequently wanted to have my children. Stacy pulled the death card twice, which was a major bummer, but my future looked bright and promising. I didn't want to know anything about New York, just the summer ahead. Eventually, he made me pull one card for the City and it was something about connection/community and that I would feel very supported. That was very nice to hear and I was grateful I didn't pull the homesick/lonely/fail out of college card.

This photo was taken before the night got fuzzy and the balloon hats were personally made for us. You can hardly tell but that shirt is new and very cute. Hooray for buying clothes and shoes you can't afford!

Silly Beans.

Finished my quilt!

Sass is a big fan.

Busy out weighs blogging.

Finals are imminent so, instead of studying, I have decided to go through my closet/room and throw stuff away/sell things for money. I have also made delicious brownies that I'm eating in place of real meals.

I am having the beginnings of anxiety about moving.
I feel like I look like a walrus yet I can't seem to make myself put down the brownies.
My dog is going to die within a month.
I think I may go to nursing school and then become a cab driver instead.

I'm making a quilt out of a bunch of my old tshirts.

I plan on this making me feel a home when I move. I'm such a nester, it's ridiculous.

D park. Sunny and windy.

May not enter a plea today.

I felt inclined to write an entry but I don't really have much to say.

I'm taking two classes that I only needed for Samuel Merritt. I literally cannot make myself do the work for those classes. These classes are through Santa Barbara City College and they are the only classes I've taken through them so my GPA wouldn't be affected if I just gave up. It's so tempting to just blow them off, but it's such a waste of money and the last 8 weeks of work I've already done to not finish. Can I do it? WILL I do it?

Time will tell.

I made dinner for Molly and my Mama last night. I get so frustrated that I only know how to cook college-kid food. Any combination of mac-n-cheese, sour cream, tuna, chilli, and pickles I've got down, but heaven forbid I learn how to cook vegetables or meat. I think I can cook more than I admit to, but I much prefer baking.

I'm writing this to avoid doing pilates or homework. Both will happen today but not in a timely manner.

Ambitious is what we are.

Jen and I made it home safe and sound. Well, sound might be negotiable, but we did make it back. I really enjoy driving long distances. She had some homework to do so I just put on my ipod (illegally, F the police) and listened to the YYYs newest album, stellastar* , Sublime (to be festive, what with the holiday and all), and Tegan & Sarah.


Just sat and looked at all the pictures. I definitely captured the whole event nicely. I love taking videos. Movie producer=2nd career? I think I might be more of a director type. I also like to act in my films... hmm.

A boy that I knew growing up brought a gun to his high school, held up a classroom of students, and eventually only turned the gun on himself. True story. Wasn't Columbine, but today reminded me of him.

Waah waaaah.

Just got inside. It's pretty hot but not yet scorching!

We made it!!!! Exhausted already.. seriously.

Sent from my amazing iPhone!

5 is boring.

Mobile blogging!

I just figured out how to make posts from my phone! Coachella updates could happen in a timely fashion.

Recycled Aluminum.

The day I discovered "shift-tab" was a beautiful day.

I have ridiculously vivid dreams sometimes. I also have extremely graphic day dreams but that's another story. Last night I had a dream that Stacy was seeing this sketchy therapist so Ko and I followed her and discovered that he truly was skeezy. I met her after her meeting and we got on a bus headed somewhere. We got off the bus at the end of the line, in a really upsetting neighborhood. There were picketers or rioters or whatever you want to call a large line of people chanting and there were construction workers more interested in us than their work. Of course it was night time and I was determined to get us out of there. Someone struck up a conversation with Stacy and because she's polite she was listening and participating, all the while we are being preyed upon by the "picketers." I find a cop who doesn't stop, of course, but I ask him if we can catch a cab around here. Taxis can often save the day (or night) if you think about it. He says, "sometimes," and I spot one across the street. I grab Stac and pull her across a picket line of angry, surprisingly large and frightening looking people, interrupting her conversation. We approach this "cab" and it looks more like a small flat bed truck with two compartments enclosed with thin ply wood walls and a latch. The first "room" was occupied so we climbed into the back area and immediately I am no longer in this very eery world but in my warm cozy bed, now a little too warm from my clammy skin, and I can see the morning light through my eyelids.

I love that the retelling of a dream that you felt so vividly and uninterrupted seems so sporatic and unrealistic. If I could translate these dreams better I feel like they'd make amazing graphic novels... or at least a good contribution to some amateur zine.

Wild fires.

Easter Sunday just isn't quite the same when we aren't in Texas. It was a lovely day none the less. I love deviled eggs. I love my grandparents. In no particular order.

I guess it's about time for a visit.

I cut my thumb open last night with my own fingernail and it bled and bled. Silly.

One for one.

I love shoes. My dad has called me, "shuqueen" since I first coined that as my screen name 10 years ago. I love TOMS. Their shoes are pretty ugly, which means they feel like you're wearing slippers. I love them! When you buy a pair, they give a pair of shoes to a child "in need." This doesn't clear my guilty conscience or anything but it makes my consumerism feel a little more charitable. I bought the owl ones.

Shrek Tent Coachella 2009

I am seriously giddy right now thinking about Coachella. Jen just linked me to some campsite pictures and now I'm super pumped. It's just going to be really fun slumming it, and talking to random people, and listening to some sweet ass music. Ahhhhh...

Rainy day.

I'm feeling particularly lazy today. It's rainy/drizzly out, making it very difficult to leave the house... or even move.

Brit is getting really old. She's been old for a while now, but she's basically stopped eating. She sleeps 22 hours a day and can't see at all. This is the end. Not that death is ever more or less convenient, but I'd really like to be here with my mom when she goes.

Sass knows she can't see so she'll come over and sniff her. They're precious.

Bikram Yoga.

I shaved my legs and they almost look thinner. That sounds wrong. I shaved my legs and because I got a bit of sun, they look thinner. Better.

Sometimes I forget that people have babies when they're teenagers. I just spied on a girl who has two babies and she's 19. I am not judging her... ok I might be judging her a little, but "judge" sounds like I think I'm self-righteous, so instead of judging her I am just taking note. Anyway, she has two babies and she is 19. TWO. Can you imagine?

Why does this blog involve me constantly ranting about babies?

Stupid uterus.

So, I finally got paid. This check lifted a figurative 250lb weight off my shoulder and I immediately was able to finish a paper and clean up the house. Now if I could find something to help me get rid of a literal 15lbs off my ass, I would be set.

Mondays are too much for me sometimes. I want to be in bed stretching, fading in and out of consciousness, and not embracing my full day of Chemistry ahead.

Complain and complain. I complain about menial things a lot. I have a bad memory so I repeat a lot too. Sometimes I wonder how anyone puts up with me. Sometimes.

Isn't Easter fun?

My pedicure was ruined because a 3 year old opened a bottle of red polish and dumped it on my toe. I love her, but seriously? I JUST got my toes done.

It's funny how quickly the urge/love of babies turns to grateful/sincere relief that I don't have any.

My cousin is in the Marines. Or maybe it's the Army. Not, I think it's the Marines. He is in Iraq. Right now. I wonder if he'll be killed. How do you not wonder that?

I loooove coffee. I am always shaky, which I've always attested to caffeine. I was then thinking it could be sugar levels, but I really don't eat that much sugar. This is a stupid tangent that I'm stopping right now because Bob Sagat is on the View.

Hope it gives you hell.

I have a Chemistry midterm tomorrow. I've studied quite a bit for it and feel confident, which makes me nervous as hell. This class is preparing me for some bullshit up ahead.

On a nicer note, I got a manicure pedicure with Stacy today. We don't hang out enough and it's frustrating but when we do it is always lovely. Maybe that is the key to a balanced friendship. Maybe not.

Newyorknewyorknewyorknewyorknewyork.

Fmylife.com - FML #651066

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Triple Ninty Two One Two

New York is always on my mind. All the time. It's not that I never think about the nursing aspect or the schooling aspect, but at this point, the big move is the only thing my brain can grasp.


Saw Sunshine Cleaners. It was really good. Why is life so hard sometimes?

Just because.

My parents are amazing. They are endlessly supportive of me monetarily, emotionally, and professionally, and in any other way I need them. They are the reason I am confident and motivated in my life. They are also the reason I will be honored to be a mother one day.

The end.

The world we share.

I'm in a weird mood. I'm not exactly down, but I'm not entirely up either. I'm absolutely ecstatic about New York and when I need to smile and fantasize, all I have to think about is my imminent future. With that said, it's very easy to live right now, here in this moment, and know that I have a bank account that is dwindling by the purchase, not being replenished at all, and that things really are all up in the air.

Things have been rough lately. I'm just not handling everyone in my life very well and I can't decide if it's me or them. I'm concluding that it's a nice combination of both.

I literally feel like I look like a whale. I'm sure it's hormones but that does not, in any way, make being a fat obese pig any easier. I hate dieting. I hate thinking about what I'm eating. I hate going to the gym and not seeing immediate results. I have the disappointment of it all.

My solace as of late would be fmylife.com. This website is hilarious. I suspect most of the stories are fake, but you never know for sure so it's that much better.

I would love to be Heidi Klum's nanny. People hire nurses to be their nannies right? Of course. I have this interesting theory that nursing school is actually future mom school and that I'll be a super duper mama. I can wish, right?

High in sugar and calories.

I'm not sure I'm ready for this, but here it is.