Aristole.
I'm more fond of “The whole is simpler than the sum of its parts”- Willard Gibbs
Gibbs was a mathematician more than a philosopher. I'm enjoying scientifically based ideas more than theoretical, as of late. That couldn't have anything to do with my current course of study!
A few minutes ago I choked on Raisin Bran and then coughed and coughed, and now I have a headache. I was planning on philosophizing about the parts of my whole but now I just feel like watching Grey's Anatomy and going to bed.
Family, blood specific, is an interesting construct. Sometimes you realize just how much you can attribute to genetics, especially when you're learning how important a patient's family health history is, and also when you get to spend 4 straight days with some of your genetics. Other times, you can't figure out where you came from and how you turned out the way you are, and you realize nurture has a lot to do with it. It's different if you're raised by one person mostly. You can find clear, identifiable, cause and effect rationale for why you are the way you are. When most of your family didn't get to see the everyday stuff, and still doesn't get to see it, it's hard to find the connection. Blood. Genes. The ultimate connection?
Things are better here. I'm feeling more of a connection and sense of place. Just knowing that there are people in this city, other than my roommates, that know I exist and care whether I stay or go is reassuring. Also, being told over and over, by different random people, things like, "If you aren't feeling tortured at this point, you're doing ok," in reference to adjusting to life here, is making me feel normal. I don't know why I thought, or even if I did think, it would be an easy adjustment living here. Moving is a terrible, beast of a chore that I don't think anyone can ever get used to. You can cope and learn how to deal with it more easily with experience, I'm positive of that, but the act of leaving and embracing change just isn't easy.
Really, I did not want to make this blog about my "adjusting"... talk about beating a dead horse, but apparently it just always seems to come up.
Nothing else to say. It's Monday. The guy at the coffee shop that I go to a couple times a week recognized me this morning. You can tell when someone looks at you and sees you, and not just as a stranger. That means something, doesn't it?
A little mark on NYC. That's what I am!
11.28.2009
11.26.2009
11.23.2009
Outside my window.
my window. What's your point?
11.22.2009
Fave-reds.
Today was an oddly good day. I had two sets of plans that both fell through so I ended up studying for 6 hours in a cafe. I have to admit it wasn't 6 hours straight through, D was with me so we had chat breaks.
I've felt wanted this entire weekend and I think that is contributing to my light mood. Whether it was texts or phone calls or random emails, I've felt very included and loved. It's funny how easily I can feel loved. Someone shows me 5 seconds of a smile, a word, or even just an assumed thought makes my night. That's a lot of power in other people's hands. That seems dangerous.
Jen sent me a card that reads, "If you want to get technical, Vodka is practically a health drink if you just call it potato juice." Hahaha... if only that potato juice didn't make my brain hurt so much the next morning/day.
It was an interesting night last night. I'm not going to get into it because there are so many details that need some explaining in order for it not to sound like I was perusing with a married man and I just don't have time (energy) to explain.
That paragraph is one hell-of-a teaser. It really wasn't that exciting.
My brain is fried.
I don't know why I didn't major in acting...
...We're successfully imitating the lady on the door wouldn't you say? Hah.
I've felt wanted this entire weekend and I think that is contributing to my light mood. Whether it was texts or phone calls or random emails, I've felt very included and loved. It's funny how easily I can feel loved. Someone shows me 5 seconds of a smile, a word, or even just an assumed thought makes my night. That's a lot of power in other people's hands. That seems dangerous.
Jen sent me a card that reads, "If you want to get technical, Vodka is practically a health drink if you just call it potato juice." Hahaha... if only that potato juice didn't make my brain hurt so much the next morning/day.
It was an interesting night last night. I'm not going to get into it because there are so many details that need some explaining in order for it not to sound like I was perusing with a married man and I just don't have time (energy) to explain.
That paragraph is one hell-of-a teaser. It really wasn't that exciting.
My brain is fried.
I don't know why I didn't major in acting...
...We're successfully imitating the lady on the door wouldn't you say? Hah.
11.21.2009
11.19.2009
Vivid.
Just a short little blog before I really get it going today. I'm drinking Hazelnut coffee and feeling pretty good. I need to get my brain collected and focused on school. I'm running down hill at this point and I don't want to fall.
Not gonna lie, that last sentence was lamely metaphorical but I think it really applies.
I had a dream about a boy I hardly know. He lives here but he's from the Bay Area. I honestly couldn't even tell you his last name, what he does for a living, or anything but I love how my brain will choose some random person to be the star of my dream. He was pushing me around in a shopping cart. I would read into it but I am confident it was purely random.
There are fruit flies in our house because we brought home a friend a few days ago named Junior.
So Junior attracted some flies and has since been kicked out of the house. A bartender at a hotel bar made this little fellow. It seemed like a good idea at the time to bring him home and leave him on our microwave.
We're all delusional at this point. I'm not kidding.
I just read an article the other day that said 81% of New Yorkers suffer from depression or something like that. I just tried to find the article because a fact without a source isn't really a fact at all but I couldn't find it. So, nevermind.
I found socks that don't ride down when I wear my boots! So I will wear those socks and those boots today. It looks pretty gloomy, a perfect day to study Fundamentals.
Oh by the way, I had an awesome day in the hospital yesterday. My confidence is increasing exponentially! I won't include the gory details, but I will say I love my clinicals and I am so excited to get done with school and be a nurse. I can't wait to BE.
Last note, it just started raining! This makes me happy because studying will be that much more productive.
Okay, fingers crossed about that one...
Not gonna lie, that last sentence was lamely metaphorical but I think it really applies.
I had a dream about a boy I hardly know. He lives here but he's from the Bay Area. I honestly couldn't even tell you his last name, what he does for a living, or anything but I love how my brain will choose some random person to be the star of my dream. He was pushing me around in a shopping cart. I would read into it but I am confident it was purely random.
There are fruit flies in our house because we brought home a friend a few days ago named Junior.
So Junior attracted some flies and has since been kicked out of the house. A bartender at a hotel bar made this little fellow. It seemed like a good idea at the time to bring him home and leave him on our microwave.
We're all delusional at this point. I'm not kidding.
I just read an article the other day that said 81% of New Yorkers suffer from depression or something like that. I just tried to find the article because a fact without a source isn't really a fact at all but I couldn't find it. So, nevermind.
I found socks that don't ride down when I wear my boots! So I will wear those socks and those boots today. It looks pretty gloomy, a perfect day to study Fundamentals.
Oh by the way, I had an awesome day in the hospital yesterday. My confidence is increasing exponentially! I won't include the gory details, but I will say I love my clinicals and I am so excited to get done with school and be a nurse. I can't wait to BE.
Last note, it just started raining! This makes me happy because studying will be that much more productive.
Okay, fingers crossed about that one...
11.17.2009
Mortality.
I lost a friend today.
A girl in my program.
Why did she get sick and I didn't?
Is mortalizing a word?
That's what today is.
A girl in my program.
Why did she get sick and I didn't?
Is mortalizing a word?
That's what today is.
11.15.2009
Hotcold.
I feel inclined to write those two words as one. The feelings bounce so quickly and extremely that I can't seem to separate them. Having a weekend where I was able to socialize with some other bay area transplants really helped my confusion. I don't feel any less confused, I just feel that my confusion is normal and that I am far from alone in that feeling.
I just feel something in my gut telling me I need to try and make it here. I mean, really give it a good try. It helps to know that my mom could move here at some point and makes things are little more familial. I have no idea if the second I graduate I will be on a plane back "home" or not. Not being able to anticipate... plan.. is terrifying. I don't know why I feel the need to make final decisions before I even get near a bridge, let alone cross it. I need to calm down.
I think I drank too much this weekend. Or maybe it's just been a really long time. A long time away. No one has visited. It's been 3 months. Christmas can't get here fast enough. Then I'll be ready for another few month stint. I think the visits will help. I've been told they'll help.
I don't like writing these blogs. I don't want anyone to worry. It's not bad. It's not lonely or depressing, it's just intense. It's just a transition. Inherent to the word, transitions aren't simple. I love it here. The energy and buzz and the unexplainable feeling you get when you walk around and you live. I'm just trying to live.
Something changes at 6 months. Again at a year. And a year and a half. I'm told you stop thinking about leaving every two months. I'm told.
I absolutely have to stop filling my voids with shoes, clothes, and food.
With that said, I just bought a plant.
Cheers to another week.
5 weeks and I'm home. Merry Christmas!
I just feel something in my gut telling me I need to try and make it here. I mean, really give it a good try. It helps to know that my mom could move here at some point and makes things are little more familial. I have no idea if the second I graduate I will be on a plane back "home" or not. Not being able to anticipate... plan.. is terrifying. I don't know why I feel the need to make final decisions before I even get near a bridge, let alone cross it. I need to calm down.
I think I drank too much this weekend. Or maybe it's just been a really long time. A long time away. No one has visited. It's been 3 months. Christmas can't get here fast enough. Then I'll be ready for another few month stint. I think the visits will help. I've been told they'll help.
I don't like writing these blogs. I don't want anyone to worry. It's not bad. It's not lonely or depressing, it's just intense. It's just a transition. Inherent to the word, transitions aren't simple. I love it here. The energy and buzz and the unexplainable feeling you get when you walk around and you live. I'm just trying to live.
Something changes at 6 months. Again at a year. And a year and a half. I'm told you stop thinking about leaving every two months. I'm told.
I absolutely have to stop filling my voids with shoes, clothes, and food.
With that said, I just bought a plant.
Cheers to another week.
5 weeks and I'm home. Merry Christmas!
11.13.2009
11.11.2009
Shuqueen Resumes.
Okay, so I may have spent some cash this weekend on shoes. Three pairs of shoes, actually. A pair of semi-heels, flat, and boots. All different so all well deserved? Sure!
I was in the middle of writing a paper when I got distracted and needed a snack. My brain is a little fried so it's making my creativity faultier. I'm listening to Air in both ears (the band, not the stuff you breathe) and it's calming me. I don't always notice the sirens but once I start noticing them they seem to never stop. There's a firehouse around the block so I'm sure they come from there a lot but there's also a hospital around the corner that ambulances are in and out of all day. Minor details of my life.
I accidentally bought watermelon gummy vitamins instead of fruit flavor. I despise artificial watermelon flavor almost as much as I do grape. Must bring those back tomorrow.
Today in simulation lab I learned how to clean and suction tracheotomies, amongst other exciting secretions in the body.
I started this post last night and now it's noon the next day. Ashley and I were determined to find a Friends' clip and that took us late into the night.
It's drizzling and 46 degrees outside. Ouch. So tempting to crawl back into this cozy bed next to me...
I was in the middle of writing a paper when I got distracted and needed a snack. My brain is a little fried so it's making my creativity faultier. I'm listening to Air in both ears (the band, not the stuff you breathe) and it's calming me. I don't always notice the sirens but once I start noticing them they seem to never stop. There's a firehouse around the block so I'm sure they come from there a lot but there's also a hospital around the corner that ambulances are in and out of all day. Minor details of my life.
I accidentally bought watermelon gummy vitamins instead of fruit flavor. I despise artificial watermelon flavor almost as much as I do grape. Must bring those back tomorrow.
Today in simulation lab I learned how to clean and suction tracheotomies, amongst other exciting secretions in the body.
I started this post last night and now it's noon the next day. Ashley and I were determined to find a Friends' clip and that took us late into the night.
It's drizzling and 46 degrees outside. Ouch. So tempting to crawl back into this cozy bed next to me...
11.04.2009
Precious niece and nephew.
11.02.2009
The night is young, I'm blacking out, but it's been fun.
Halloween was a lot of fun. I grew some metaphorical balls and talked to cute boys and subsequently felt that the night was a success. When did my life turn into this game? I don't consider all days/nights successful because I get hit on by cute boys but it definitely doesn't hurt.
And here we are, back to Monday. It's November and I think I'm finally done with all my midterms, which means we're headed downhill to the end!
I'm feeling like this blog is terribly dull. I don't write very eloquently and what I do say isn't all that profound or interesting. I guess that's the best part of a blog, no one and everyone can read it.
Things exciting to me right now:
the delicious delivery sushi I got last night
the cute outfits I wear because I live in NY and you can never be overdressed
how well my mario outfit went over
the salad I'm about to walk and get for dinner
the two grey's episodes I watched last night that were SO good
Things I'm not stoked about right now:
never having any time alone, thanks to my new roommate
being chubby and feeling uncomfortable about it
missing my friends, family, and Sass cat
the wind down the avenues that pierces through your clothes and goes straight to your bones
vacation not being for two more months
And here we are, back to Monday. It's November and I think I'm finally done with all my midterms, which means we're headed downhill to the end!
I'm feeling like this blog is terribly dull. I don't write very eloquently and what I do say isn't all that profound or interesting. I guess that's the best part of a blog, no one and everyone can read it.
Things exciting to me right now:
the delicious delivery sushi I got last night
the cute outfits I wear because I live in NY and you can never be overdressed
how well my mario outfit went over
the salad I'm about to walk and get for dinner
the two grey's episodes I watched last night that were SO good
Things I'm not stoked about right now:
never having any time alone, thanks to my new roommate
being chubby and feeling uncomfortable about it
missing my friends, family, and Sass cat
the wind down the avenues that pierces through your clothes and goes straight to your bones
vacation not being for two more months
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)