Ugh.

(see full image)

Coincide.

When my hormones align with me being awesome at work, I am so happy. And funny. And confident. And not lonely or worried or angry. How can I make this happen permanently?

Impossible.

We're too labile. Our labile nature is what makes those highs so high. So in love. So happy. Fortunately, and this is coming from higher ground, I don't have super down downs. It has happened and it is misery, but with enough pharmaceutical help you blunt those low points.

I've started on my new unit. It's going to be a good move for me and a good environment for my personality and skills. My preceptor is so supportive and kind and encouraging. Probably 99% of why
I feel so pleased and content.

Also, I came home last night to homemade stuffed cabbage and a loving supportive boyfriend. So pleased. So content.

So happy.

Spring

At 6:30am the sun is bright through my front window. I don't have great natural light in the whole of my apartment, but at 6:30am it's shining. My kitchen is glowing and I can see Spring. I open the window to the kitties delight and feel a crisp breath pass over me. It's almost here! Spring!

Summer in NYC is a feeling like no other. I think Spring isn't mentioned enough, but that's when we all begin to thaw. My mind and body thaw and I reengage with my home.

I say home because I live here, but I don't identify this place as "home". I wonder if and when I will.

And then the heat comes and stays, wrapped around you like a familiar sweatshirt you can't take off; Sometimes suffocating, but always comforting.

We've almost made it! Puffy coats moving back into their storage boxes under the bed, hallelujah!

Must. Stick. To. Diet.

Summer involves much less clothing and I really want to feel comfortable. I can do it.

I'm a big kid now.

Feeling comfortable at work is not something that should be underrated in my field. Being able to prioritize, time manage, delegate, and chart while dealing with emotionally labile patients and interns is QUITE the accomplishment.

So now it's time to move on. I interviewed for a position in a critical care unit. I, of course, interviewed fabulously and am 99% sure the manager wants to hangout, but will the stars align and I actually get to sign on the dotted line? Fingers crossed. This would be a whole new world, with all new challenges, ripping me from my new found comfort and confidence on my unit. Apparently, I love to make myself uncomfortable.

I was reminded of this odd habit of mine when discussing my solo europe trip years ago. I was one ballsy 19-year-old to pack one bag and fly myself to another world for an entire month. Oh man, I am craving that adrenalin.

Alex and I just started planning a trip to Turkey. I'm planning on adding Greece to the itinerary, he just doesn't know it yet. I cannot wait to get on a plane that will touchdown in a place I can't read the signs. It's truly a terrifying experience and a great way to discover how resilient an resourceful you can be.... With another person?

A trip to a foreign land, and I'm not talking Cabo, with your significant other might be one serious test on your relationship. We will have a grand time, there is no doubt about that, but there will be more than a couple squabbles..

Let the planning begin.